When you feel like a fraud...

Today: 5km
Week: 42km
Month: 144km
Year: 1365km

I went for an easy 5km run this evening after work. I felt really comfortable and found it a really relaxing run. I covered my 5kms in 26:55 which was a bit quicker than the 30mins I had on the program. It was a run where I completely zoned out and ran as my body wanted to. My breathing was relaxed but I will confess that my mind was churning a million miles an hour. *apologoes* the rest is not run related. I had one of thosed days at work that gets the mind ticking. A few months ago I was ionvolved with a client who was psychotic and at risk of harm to her self and others. so she was scheduled under the mental health act into hospital. This was a really horrible schedule that involved the police and ambo's. she would not go voluntarlily and was carried out by the cops. Needless to say that is the part of the job that I hate and has me pondering on alternatives. Well she is now home from hospital and she had a followup appointment today. Now this was a lady in her 80's who was completely independent, immaculately presented and full of spirit. Today she was a frail looking lady, thin, depressed and completely zapped of spirit. Now yes, she is now no longer psychotic and at risk of harm but it begs the question of quality of life. I felt like crap and again was questioning the whole point. I firmly believe in the principals of people's right to choice, right to take risks and live their life as they wish~ free of paternalistic judgement about what is the most appropriate. I strongly advocate on peoples behalf to have this maintined. Today I felt like we had failed this lady.... where is the ideal of 'do no harm' and 'least restrictive care'. There is a fine line between maintinaing people's individual right to autonomy and choice and the need to protect those whose capacity to make appropriate decisions is impaired by biological, cognitive or psychological factors. My head was spinning around thoughts of chemical restraint and how a person can be lost behind a haze of medication. It is such a difficult issue because medication is so essential for some people to be able to function in life and to stay well and safe. I know this first hand with mum.... without it she is depressed and suicidal. But at the same it is so intrusive and overriding in peoples life. Power over people never sits comfortably with me which is a good thing. As long as our practice with people is always questioned and reflected on hopefully people won't get too lost and forgotten . the family were so thankful for our involvement and I just felt like a fraud. Sorry what a rave that was.... I just felt I needed to get it out or else I know what I would be dreaming about tonight. I have no idea what is right or wrong ... one thing I know is that there is not one clear nice neat answer. On a positive note the psychiatrist was decreasing the medication a and trying a new one with far less sever side effects.... so fingers crossed in a few weeks the sparky, independent lady will be shining again.