Flashing my boobs on Australia Day.....

I am so glad to be able to write that things are well and truely on the improve and we have a much happier and settled little baby!!! We have had a lovely week with trips out, mothers group and lots of cuddles! The most exciting thing is that Charlie has started to smile and even though it is not all the time it is worth the world! One day last week she was having a huge sleep but it was in the afternoon and it got to 5pm and she had slept way past a feed and I decided to wake her up so that she would still sleep later that night. So instead of her usually waking up crying because she wants some food....I got to unwrap her and let her wake naturally. She slowly woke up, stretching out her lovely long arms and legs and then look straight at me and gave me a big gummy grin! I could have cried but instead cheered and encouraged her for more....hahaha the grin was replaced with a look of " what is wrong with this woman???". And we have had a few smiles here and there....but I am not quick enough to get it on the camera! She has started to work out her hand are hers and not just random things at the ends of her arms....so she now quite likes to suck on her hand. She follows you around when you walk and has started to play and react to things like the play mat. She is making cute little cooing noises and lets you know if she wants something! You can tell I am so excited.....it is such a huge change from a week and a bit ago!

This morning we headed to the Australia Day run that the Canterbury council put on. I decided on this run as my " post baby race" for a few reasons......
1. It was free....yes I am of the fregan belief
2. It was put on by our local council and was only 15 mins from home
3. Last year was the first year and it is important to support new runs
4. It was meant to start at 10:30am.....perfect for me to get a 7 week old up and breast fed- it was then changed to 9:15am, still much more decent than the 7am start for the other runs.

It all went really well. My wonderful sister had agreed to come down to look after Charlie so I could run with Ray....read my sister agreed to have Charlie all on her own for lots of cuddles!! Ray and I are so grateful that she can do this for us....it means for some runs we can both race and Aunty Bec gets some quality time with Charlie :-) So she arrived at 8am and we were up, fed and dressed and ready to go. I had timed it so that we would arrive in time for me to feed Charlie again and then line up to run. There is nothing like having to breast feed to take your mind of a race and put it all into perspective :-) We found a bench near the start finish line and I politely asked a family if I could use some of the seat to feed on....they cleared off quickly~ they must not have seen a boob popped out at the start of a race before :-) so I was finished and had put on my super duper, my boobs are not going to move in this crop top on and was on the start line by 9:10....all good!

The gun went off and we started to run. I had told Ray I wanted to just do under 6mins pace and I would be happy. So we took off and then I spied a lady I have seen at other runs....I I changed my race goal to " I just want to finish in front of her"! We set off and it was a little fast but I felt ok and we decided to just keep running and if it all fell apart who cares I had a perfect little girl waiting at the end of the run. The run went along the Cooks river cycle way and back....it was actually a really lovely run. There are yucky parts of the cooks river, but this part was clean and there were lots of parks and trees along the way. So we slowly reeled this woman in and we passed her at the 3km mark....she had started too fast and was struggling so we made our move. Haha nice to see the competitiveness stays! Ray was great and just chatted the whole way, checking if I was doing ok and encouraged me to just keep going.

I loved it and was so excited to be running again. I was even more excited that I was feeling ok and not coughing up a lung and I was running faster than planned :-) I did get cranky at one point when some guy was yelling at me to sprint and I yelled " I just gave birth 7 weeks ago I am kind of happy to be just running"....Ray reminded me he was jut trying to be friendly....ooops! The finish line suddenly appeared and I picked up the pace and finished with a really good hard run at the line. Woo Hoo! first run back completed and I was still in one piece and Charlie had slept like a log the whole time! I wanted to do anything under 36mins and I finished in 30:21. I think the course was about 200m short so it was probably more like 31:30 mins. BUT my average pace was 5:18/km......quicker than I thought I could do :-) It also felt comfortable and I certainly did not feel like I was pushing it too hard at any time :-) I had a great time and loved every minute of it! I felt fantastic when I finished and it gave me spurt of excitement for my next goal which is the 10km in Canberra.

6km: 5:17, 5:25, 5:11, 5:16, 5:26, 3:43 (800m) (average 5:18)

Breath in.....

I went out for a run on Friday and again on sunday afternoon....both in the rain! I love running in the rain and really missed that while I was not running. I used to often sit at work looking at the rain outside and day dream of going for a run. I decided to go a different way to the usual 5km loop....boring! So I headed out and then relaised it was a bit longer than expected. So I cut out a few streets but it still ended up being 6kms. I felt fine and covered the distance in 5:40/km. So on sunday I decided to do the same loop....I felt tired initially but just enjoyed being out and about. The sun came out half way through the run and there were two huge double rainbows!!! That has to be good luck! I managed to do the run in the exact time as Friday and averaged 5:40/km. I was very excited to do one of my kms in 5:22....ha ha I am a long way off where I used to be but still I was excited!!! I am not sure if I will run again tonight or go to the gym and give my legs a rest.

Charlie continues to improve which is sooooo good! We have had a really lovely weekend, with lots of sleeps, smiles and some play time! She is so much more alert now that she is not all consumd by a painful tummy! She has discovered her mobile above the cot which we had to take down so she would go to sleep...instead if being mesmerised by it! She is growing heaps and today we put on a 3 zero jumpsuit as the 4 zeros were looking like they were painted on :-) haha when you are asking her to breath in to do them up, it is time for the next size :-) We see the doctor again tommorow and I am so glad to be able to give him a good report! I have taken some more photos but I have not had time yet to laod them on the computer.....soon I promise!!

Happy Days.....

I have had a really good couple of days. I really feel like the medication has kicked in and Charlie seems so much more peaceful! She does not seem to have anywhere near as much discomfort or pain. Her face seems so much more relaxed and we have had a lots of 20min periods where she has been really alert and happy to sit with me and pull faces, sing and just be together. This is such a relief! To see her looking relaxed and not in pain is priceless! She is still getting the acid coming up into her throat/mouth after a feed but she is now not screaming in pain....woo hoo! I can cope with the waking through the night etc...just not the constant pain.

I had some friends come over on Wednesday and Thursday for lunch....they have babies too and it was so nice to chat to people who have been there and done that :-) Today we had our visit with the baby nurse and she got two thumbs up! She has put on weight and is now a nice plump 4.8kg. She is so cute and has multiple chins and rolls on her legs....all good!!! i put Charlie in the baby bjorn carrier and she loved it. She snoozed away while I did some shopping. It was so nice to be out and about and I found having her in the carrier so much easier than the pram. I had her baby bag on my back and apart from looking like a turtle it worked really well and I had my hands free to do things. We came home and had a feed and play and then she has had a really good sleep. Tonight we are out for dinner.....yeah!

Wednesday I got out for a run and it was so much cooler!!! I will have to think of a new way to run because I did the same 5km loop again....this will get boring sooner rather than later!! I averaged 5:44/km and did my last km in 5:38 :-) I am now wanting to focus on getting rid of the pesky 3kgs hanging around....time to stop saying " I can eat that I just had a baby" :-) I hope the cool weather hangs around for my Friday run!!!

Half a dozen.....

Well Miss Chalrie was 6 weeks today!!! It feels like she has always been apart of our life and it is hard to now imagine her not being here!! This past week has has some good days and not so good days. Tuesday was particularly stressful with a 3am wake up and lots of screaming. I called Dr Dunlop and he said to increase the dose of the losec and moved my appointment forward to Tuesday next week. I started to feel like I could not manage and I how could I cope with this for the next few days let alone weeks! She then settled and had a great sleep in the afternoon and I managed to get a good two and half hours sleep....it is amazing how much better everything seems when you get some sleep!!! I can see why sleep deprivation is a form of torture....everything seems too hard and too much when you are pooped! But once I had a sleep and a shower I gave myself a kick in the bum for being miserable and I felt much brighter! Charlie is such an amazing part of our life and worth every bit of lack of sleep and stress and I would not have it any other way! So after my kick in the pants I felt confident enough to go out for dinner with two of my favourite friends! She was great while we were out and I joked to Ray that you would not think there was anything wrong. The vommitting has definately decreased and today I can see that she is less agitated, more alert and I am pretty sure I got a few small smiles this morning :-). She still battles sleep but you can blame her stubborn streak on me :-)

Monday I headed out for another 5km run. I felt quite tired and drained when I started but perked up pretty quickly. I averaged 5:45 for the 5km. Yesterday I did nothing and I will head out for a run when Ray gets home tonight. I am looking forward to the Australia day run....I am going to do the 6km Canterbury run- mainly because it starts at 10:30am so it is much easier for me to get us all organised. I have no goals for this run, just to do it, finish it and have fun! I am excited to be able to do a "race" and be part of it all again :-) Then I will aim for the Striders run in March.....depending on how I feel, 1okm seems like a very long way at the moment!!!! Small steps.......

So I am feeling much more positive that Charlie is improving and hopefully in another week we will see a big difference!!!

All quiet on the western front....

Well yesterday was bliss......except for the ridiculous heat!!! Charlie had a much better day, which meant mum and dad had a much better day! I even managed to get the grocery shopping done :-) We closed all the blinds and put all the fans on to keep cool and relaxed yesterday. I think the three of us were all pooped from the day before so we were happy to spend the day relaxiung and watching seinfeld episodes. I was going to go for a run in the evening but even at 7:30pm it felt too hot and to be honest I really did not have it in me yesterday. Ray managed to get his 32km run done really early and missed the brunt of the heat but he still looked a melted blob when he got home. He ran from Brett Park, over to Centenial Park, through the city, over the bridge and back again. I must say I miss the long runs, especially ones like that one. I can not imagine running that far....seems sureal. My days feel like a blur at the moment....each day I have a list of things I want to get done....hahaha I usually just keep adding, rather than get much done. But I am not worrying about it too much....as long as I get the toilet cleaned ;-)

Chalrie is asleep at the moment so I am going to have a snooze :-)

Cross your fingers!

Friday was a pretty good day....Charlie seemed a little more settled with the Mylanta pre feeds and I managed to get the Zoton into her with out too much drama. She only battled a few times and had some good sleep! I went out for a run in the evening and managed 5kms at 5:45/km pace. I am now going to hover at 5kms for a while until it feels really easy. It has been really hot in the afternoons/eveings and I arrive home as red as a beetroot!

Yesterday was a day from HELL!!!! Charlie awoke screaming at 5am and did not stop until we managed to get her to sleep at 8:30pm last night!! She then thankfully crashed for 8.5 hours straight and awoke at 4am, but after a feed she went back for another 3hours. She is asleep again now and thank god it seems like it will be a better day! I have no idea how Ray and I susrvived yesterday and upsetting and stressful is an understatement of the year! I am amazed at how on such little sleep I have mabaged to cope with such a stressful day.....makes other things that I have worried about seem ridiculous! I just kept telling myself that she would have to exhaust herself soon or later and fall asleep....Hmmm I wonder what the world record for an awake baby is??? It also helps to have an extremely supportive sister and mum who reassure me and tell me exactly what I need to hear!

Nothing we did worked yesterday and all we could do is take turns in trying to comfort her and keep her as calm as possible. Watching your bub sob her heart out and not be able to do anything has to be up there with one of the worst experiences!! Without soundy corny it broke my heart! There were a few tears shed again yesterday.....all we could do was try and pep each other up and take turns at feeling like a wreck. Thankfully Ray and I work well as a team. So this is day three of the medication....Dr Dunlop said it would probably take 7 days....finger crossed we do not have more days like yesterday!

Every one cross your fingers......

Trust your instincts.....

The past two and half weeks have been quite tough going for both Charlie and myself. She is now 5 weeks old and we have had lots of "unsettled" periods and lots of trouble sleeping. At first I was unsure about what was nornal for a 3 week old and what to expect. The nurses had told me it was just normal new born stuff and to ride it out. So I kept telling myself to just tough it out, that she would settle eventually. I kept saying to Ray that I thought something was not quite right, that it seemed more than just being unsttled. Everytime I would feed Charlie, she would spend the next few hours arching her back, grizzling, crying, coughing, sneezing, reguguating milk and looking generally unhappy. These signs were what the nurse had said was being overtired. The past week we have had days where I could not get her to sleep at all. Every time I would put her in the cot she would throw up and get hiccoughs and cry. I started to feel really frustrated with myself....how come I can not do this??? I was also getting very teary ans stressed because I thought Chralie looked in pain....and I was worried something was wrong. Charlie had her paediatrician appointment next week and I was hanging out for it so I could ask him if something was wrong. We had another bad day yesterday and my sister suggested call the doctor and see if there was an earlier appointment. Woo Hoo he had a cancellation for this morning. My sister and mum who are both nurses suggested she might have reflux.

We saw Dr Dunlop today and I had written down all the things I had noticed she has been doing and what my worries were. Well it turns out I am not imagining things, she has quite bad reflux. Dr Dunlop was suprised she has been putting on as much weight given the situation but I explained that that is because I have spent most days almost constantly feeding her. I explained that most days it would be about every 90mins she would cry her hungry cry and my theory was a 4 week old baby was not being piggy she was obviously hungry and even though the nurses told me to make her wait 3 hours, I felt if she was hungry she should eat.

Any way he said that it should be resolved with some medication, some mylanta pre feed and trying to keep her upright as much as possible. So we have raised the mattress at one end in the cot and she will start the medication tonight. fingers crossed that it helps her to feel better. It is the wost feeling in the world watching this precious little person cry and become incredibly distressed and in pain and not be able to help! There have been many tears shed by mum thats for sure. I am so releived that there is something we can do- hopefully it makes a difference quickly! At the moment she is happiest when I let her sleep on her tummy on my chest at an inclined position....this usually means I am stuck at a funny angle on the lounge! Hahaha not really a tennable situation! So my lesson learnt is trust your insticts!!!

I did manage to hand over to Papa Bear yesterday evening and get out for a run. Running has taken on a whole new enjoyment! It feels fantastic to get out and run when you have been up since 3am with a distressed baby who just wants to be on you. I felt like I had not been out of the unit in days...which was true :-) She had been so upset I had not managed to even get out for a walk on Monday or Tuesday. I ran 4 km and averaged about 5:45 pace. I felt great. Then I arrived home and showered and felt like I was ready to start again....batteries recharged!

So I am crossing my fingers that our little munchkin will feel better soon!

All is quiet....

I am excited to report that I have managed another two runs over the past week....both were 4km and I felt great! It is feeling easier and easier every time I run. Yesterday I managed to get organised and out the door at 5pm and it was as hot as the sun! Previously I would have said it was too hot to run, but time is precious and I just lapped up the chance to get out for a run. Needless to say I got home as red a s a beetroot and sweating buckets!!! My new shoes feel so fantastic! I can not believe how dead my old ones were. I averaged 5:45/km for the run. I am going to aim for a run on Australia Day.....if I can get the logistics of feeding Charlie right.

She continues to grow and I am just smitten! I love the smell of her and can not help but stare at her when she sleeps! This last week we have had a few hard days where she would not sleep at all during the day and was very restless. She got so overtired and beside herself and it was really hard not knowing what to do to help her to sleep! Thankfully she is sleeping well at night, so it is managable during the day. Mind you you still question your ability as a mum when you can not seem to do something simple like get her to sleep. We tried everything....rocking, patting, singing, walking in the pram, bathing etc. After about 7hrs she finally just crashed! Last night she slept heaps and today she is back to her usual peaceful self. Apparantly it is normal for them to have a really unsettled day once a week. Ray was great, we just tag teamed to give each other a break. This is hard work!! All worth it though :-)

I have invested in a baby sling thing, as quite a few people have said on days like that they sometimes just want to be close to someone and at least that way you can still do some things....otherwise your stuck to the lounge with bub in arms! Hopefully she likes it!

Feeding time.......

4 weeks

I can not believe that 4 weeks ago today little Charlie arrived! It is a bizzare feeling....on one hand I feel like it was just yesterday, but it also seems like forever ago that I was pregnant and waiting for the big arrival! Charlie is so beautiful and is growing at a rate of knots! I put her on the scale a few days ago and she was about 4.5kg so she has put on about 1.3kg since leaving hospital 3 weeks ago. She is a lot more alert now when she is awake and seems to definately know Ray and I by our smell and voice. She is holding her head up really well and is quite strong! She is very active and wriggles almost all the time....hahaha and grunts alot, she is like her mum not very lady like!

She is feeding about evry 3 hrs, give or take- sometimes she wants to eat every 2 hrs and sometimes it stretches out to 4hrs. She wakes evry 3hrs at night but thankfully goes back to sleep without too much hassel. I am feeling a lot more confident with the breast feeding so I can now keep the lights off and I am avoiding changing her nappy at night unless it is unavoidable. I figure that if I can keep her as unstimualted as possible it is easier to get her back to sleep. She then wakes at about 5-6am and is pretty wide eyed for a while. This seems to be the time that she is unsettled so I have been taking her for walks in the pram or putting her in the baby carrier, which seems to work. Haha then there are the times that you try everything and she is still unhappy and obviously tired but will not go to sleep. It is all a huge learning curve, but we feel like we are finally starting to get to know her a bit better.

Ray goes back to work tommorow and I am going to miss him heaps. I have gotten used to having him around this past month and loved evry minute of it. He is also not wanting to go back to work....but unless we win lotto there is not too much choice.

I went for a 3km run on Monday and this morning. I am so excited to be running again. It feels fantastic to doing something and is brilliant for my mental health! As much as I am loving being a mum, it is incredibly draining and demanding. I think if I was bottle feeding and could "hand over" to Dad or other family members it may not feel so overwhelming....but feeling like you are tied to this little person completely can feel very intense. BUT getting out for a run feels fantastic and then I am itching to get back home to Charlie. I have been doing a walk to warm up and cool down and making sure I stretch. I have been averaging between 6min/km- 6:45min/km and making sure I am feeling comfrtable and relaxed while I run. Today I felt great and wanted to keep going, but the sensible voice reminded me that it is only 4 weeks since giving birth and not to push my luck! I am also getting stuck into trying to stregnthen my abs....I can not believe how weak they feel and that is even with me exercising almost daily throughout my pregnancy! It is amazing how much strain it must have all been under. My abs have almost completely re joined again....it is about a half finger width gap now which I am happy about.

A few more photos..... I think she is spectacualr but I am slightly biased!!!!